Legend of the Holy Sword: Part 3 and a Half!
by TVBPublications
Summary: Just a funny one-shot about Crona and Ragnarok meeting Excalibur. Hilarity and Maka-Chops happen.


**Legend of the Holy Sword: Part 3.5! Crona Seeks Excalibur?**

It was another normal day in Death City. The Kishin Asura had been defeated, and everything was beginning to wind down. The sun was shining and maniacally laughing. School had just let out for the weekend, and the students of the DWMA were all exiting the building.

All but one.

Crona was in the library, not really feeling up for basketball with the rest of the gang. He wanted to find a few poetry books to get some examples on what a poem should be. Maka had recommended writing poetry to help him when he felt depressed. He legitimately liked the idea, but all his poems had succeeded in doing so far was spreading his depression to all who read them

Ragnarok popped out of Crona's back, causing him to wince slightly. "You're not seriously reading poetry again, are you?" the Demonsword asked, slightly annoyed.

"I want to get better at writing it. Last time I wrote a poem, it sent all of my friends sulking into a corner," Crona reminded his weapon. He took another book off the shelf and tucked it under his arm. "And I don't know how to deal with that."

"Screw you," Ragnarok muttered. He reached for a different shelf, grabbed the first book he touched, and shoved it in Crona's face. "Read this instead!"

"But you don't even know what book you grabbed!"

"Who cares? Anything's better than these stupid poems."

Crona found it best not to argue. He took the old, dusty volume from Ragnarok's hand and read the title aloud. "'Excalibur...'"

(The theme song would go here. The first one, because I like it more than the second one.)

The pink-haired boy sat down and started flipping through the pages of the book. A lot of it was illegible, because the word "lame" was written all over most of the pages in what looked like Kid's and Black Star's handwriting, and even some that looked like it belonged to Ox. What he could read though, was incredible. Stories about the legendary sword known as Excalibur, and the glory that came to those who wielded him. "This is amazing..." he breathed. "Anyone with a sword like that would be unstoppable. Hm... What if _I_ was Excalibur's meister?"

"What?!" Ragnarok cried, smacking the back of Crona's head. "You would replace me with some dumb piece of sacred metal that made his last meister a powerful hero and king?!" He then sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding? This guy sounds way more powerful than me. And I guess you'd still be stuck with me, even if you could wield the Holy Sword.

Crona stood abruptly, slamming his hands on the table. "I'm going to find Excalibur!" he declared, sounding uncharacteristically sure of himself. "I just wish Black Star hadn't written over the location... I guess I could ask Professor Stein."

"You do that. I'm gonna take a nap," said Ragnarok, and he shrank back into his meister's bloodstream.

After a little bit of wandering, Crona managed to locate the teachers' lounge. He knocked on the door.

"Come in!" came the cheery voice of Marie.

The young meister opened the door to find Stein, Marie, and Sid all sitting around a coffee table. "Oh, hello Crona," Stein greeted, giving the screw in his head a couple of turns.

Marie smiled at him. "What brings you here?"

"Um..." Crona began, a little unnerved by Sid's presence. He still found the fact that he was a zombie hard to deal with. "I was reading a book about Excalibur and wanted to look for him, but the location was written over. Can you maybe tell me where he is?"

Stein and Marie shared a grimace. Sid, on the other hand, simply said "In a cave near England."

"Thanks," said Crona. "Ragnarok, wake up!"

The Demonsword emerged from his back with a yawn. "What do you want now?"

"I need you to fly me to England. We can make it there in no time with your wings," the boy explained.

"No way!" Ragnarok yelled. "I just woke up!"

"You were asleep for half an hour!"

"Whatever! I'm not gonna wear myself out just so you can meet some stupid sword!"

"If you do this for me, I'll ask Tsubaki to make you a red velvet cake when we get back."

"Holy Sword, here we come!"

Once the door had closed, Stein and Marie glared at Sid. "What did you tell him for? That poor boy can't handle Excalibur!" Marie shouted.

The zombie teacher shrugged. "I always help my students. That's the kind of man I was."

"Alright, we're here. Can I sleep now?" said Ragnarok as he and Crona landed outside Excalibur's cave.

"No, you should stay awake," Crona replied. "Who knows? This might be an interesting experience for you too."

"Ugh! Fine!" Ragnarok groaned.

Crona began his trek through the waterlogged cave. Every so often, he would spot a fairy flitting between the stalagmites. At one point, one of them stopped right in front of his face, but grimaced and flew away when he asked if they were indeed in the cave of Excalibur.

Eventually, they came to a brightly lit chamber. In the center was a slightly raised platform with a silver and gold sword stabbed into the middle. A small smile on his face, Crona ran up onto the platform, leaving wet footprints behind him, and wrapped his hands around the hilt of the sword.

Ragnarok laughed. "Good luck wielding him. You're nowhere close to hero material, ya wimp."

Crona ignored him and pulled. The sword came forth from the stone with a slight scratching sound. He raised it high above his head.

"Huh. Guess you are," Ragnarok muttered.

The chamber was suddenly bathed in a golden light. The blade, which was the source of the light, jumped out of Crona's hands and into the center of the platform. He held his arms up to shield his face from the glow. "It... It's so..." Crona began.

Then, the glow faded. He saw the almost duck-like creature with a white cane and top hat standing before him.

"... Lame," he finished.

"FOOL!"

Meanwhile, back in Death City, the gang was just finishing up their game. "Fifteen-four!" Black Star yelled after he dunked the ball. "The mighty Black Star wins again! I told you I would surpass God!"

"Yeah, because God totally plays basketball," Soul muttered sarcastically.

"Eh. You never know," said Liz.

Kid looked around the court for a moment. "Hey... has anyone seen Crona?"

"He said he wanted to check out some poetry books from the library," Maka answered.

"Boring. Totally not cool," Soul interrupted, earning himself a Maka-Chop.

"Like I was saying," Maka went on, ignoring Soul's bleeding form on the ground. "He was checking out some poetry books. But he said he would meet us here afterward."

"Maybe we should go and look for him," Kid suggested. "He could've gotten held up somewhere." The young reaper gasped. "What if he's encountered something asymmetrical?!" he shouted, slightly hysterical.

"Then he would say 'screw it' and walk away," said Soul.

"You're right, Kid. We should find him," said Maka.

They all went back up to the DWMA. After they couldn't find Crona in the library, they started to search the rest of the school, Kid straightening all the paintings along the way, even if they looked perfectly straight. Twenty minutes passed before they even ran into anyone.

"What are you all doing back at school on a day like this? And a Friday, no less," said an almost bored voice behind them.

They all jumped and spun around, then relaxed when they realized who it was.

"Oh. Professor Stein," Maka said. "We were just looking for Crona."

"I saw him earlier," said Stein. He lit a cigarette with his soul wavelength and started smoking it. "I believe he said he was looking for Excalibur."

"EXCALIBUR?!" the seven of them shouted, their eyes practically popping out of their heads.

"Yes. Excalibur," Stein answered nonchalantly.

"But Crona can't deal with Excalibur! Hell, even I couldn't deal with him! And I'm the man who's gonna surpass God!" Black Star cried. "Why would you let him go?!"

"Technically, Sid let him go."

"Oh, I'm gonna rekill that guy!" Make growled, fists clenched.

"No time! We gotta save Crona!" Soul shouted.

The gang sprinted for the doors, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake.

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, CRONA!" yelled Maka.

"DON'T WORRY! I, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL BLACK STAR, WILL SAVE YOU!"

"I DON'T CARE HOW SYMMETRICAL HE IS! EXCALIBUR IS PURE EVIL!"

Stein chuckled as he watched them go. "Overreact much?"

"FOOL!"

"Um..." Crona muttered.

"I am the Holy Sword Excalibur!"

"... Seriously? _This_ is Excalibur?" said Ragnarok.

"FOOL!" Excalibur snapped, swinging his cane in Ragnarok's face. "My legend goes all the way back to the twelfth century!"

"I don't know how to deal with this..." Crona whispered.

"FOOL! Select a number between one and twelve."

"Pass..."

"FOOL!" He swung the can in Crona's face this time. "My legend goes all the way back to the twelfth century!"

"You said that already!" Ragnarok shouted.

"If you keep swinging that cane around, you're going to knock my head off!" said Crona. "I don't know how to deal with being decapitated!"

"FOOL!"

"I'm tired of this conversation..." groaned Ragnarok.

"FOOL! Not hearing me out would be impolite!"

"Okay, but-," Crona started.

"FOOL! No one cares what you have to say!"

"But that contradicts what you-."

"FOOL!" Crona was forced to duck as the cane was sung that time, and Ragnarok took the blow.

"What the-?! OW!" the Demonsword cried, rubbing the side of his face that the cane had hit.

"Now allow me to regale you with my tales from World War II," Excalibur said. He then proceeded to ramble for an hour. Crona sat in front of him during this time, wide-eyed with disbelief. Finally, Excalibur finished with "And that is why I always start my mornings with a cup of coffee with cream."

"Are you freaking kidding me?!" yelled Ragnarok. "Like, ninety percent of that had nothing to do with World War II! And I'm pretty sure you got at least half of it from movies!"

"I don't know how to deal with backstory plagiarism," Crona added, rubbing his left forearm.

"FOOL!"

"Oh, great, we're back to that again," moaned Crona.

Excalibur dropped a giant stack of paper in Crona's hands. "This is a list of the one thousand Provisions you must meet in order to become my meister," he said. "Of course, the most important is the five-hour storytelling party. Attendance is mandatory!"

"Five hours?!" said Crona, dropping the list. "I don't know how to deal with that!"

"Now!" Excalibur said. He shifted back into blade form and jumped into Crona's hands. The golden light reappeared. "Together! We shall achieve glory and fame!"

Crona frowned and stabbed the sword back into the stone. The glow faded instantly.

Excalibur was thoroughly confused. "What is the meaning of this?"

"You're nowhere near as incredible as I thought you'd be," Crona explained. "You're actually really lame And I just realized that it's not so much that I don't know how to deal with that." His frown morphed into a glare. "I just don't _want_ to deal with that." And he left the chamber.

A fairy hovered directly in front of his face as he came by. "How did it go?" she asked.

"I think you should gather all of your friends and get out of here as quickly as possible," the pink-haired boy suggested.

The gang had just arrived outside Excalibur's cave. "I can't go in there!" Kid was insisting. "My shoes will surely be filled with water!"

"Forget it, Kid!" I'm not carrying you again!" said Black Star.

"Again?" Patty asked.

Before they could continue, a swarm of fairies shot over their heads. They all looked at the cave entrance to see Crona and Ragnarok coming out of it.

"Crona!" Maka cried. She ran up and hugged him.

"Ah...! Too tight...!" Crona wheezed. "Don't know how to deal... with not breathing...!"

"Oh! Sorry," said Maka. She released her grip, blushing a little.

"PDA. Completely uncool," Soul grunted.

"Maka..."

"Oh, sh-!"

"CHOP!" And once again, Soul lay bleeding on the ground.

"So how were things with Excalibur?" Tsubaki asked.

Crona grimaced. "I don't think anyone in the world should have to deal with him." He held a hand out. "Ragnarok?"

"Right," the Demonsword grunted. He melted into Crona's back and reappeared in his hand as a black sword with a mouth at the base of the blade.

The meister turned to face the cave entrance. "Screech GAMMA!" he yelled, swinging Ragnarok upward. With a resonating scream, a crescent of dark energy shot forth, collapsing the cave.

"Nice move, Crona," said Ragnarok. He shifted out of sword form and re-emerged on the boy's back.

"Yeah," said Crona. "Let's just get back to Death City."

As the gang began to walk away, a voice echoed through the boulders. "We can skip the rest, but the five-hour storytelling party is a must!"

"LAME!" Ragnarok and Crona shouted in unison.

"Hey, we agree on something," Crona said, smiling slightly.

"I know. Weird, huh?" Ragnarok replied.

And, for the very first time, the two of them high-fived.


End file.
